11.18.2008

Adjustments

When Mr. H-B and I decided to get married I could not have imagined the level of (mostly) self-inflicted stress that would consume my life. You see, I am perfectionist and also a total control freak. I somehow managed to suppress the crazy through the wedding and let the proverbial chips fall where they would. I didn't panic when our wedding rings came back 5 sizes too big, nor did I flip out when when almost no one RSVP'd for our open house. Please don't feel guilty if you didn't, I'm totally over it. In fact, I don't even remember who did or didn't RSVP, that's how much I didn't care.

I thought that Mr. H-B and I had spent a significant amount of time talking about our expectations for married life and discussing such important topics as division of household duties, finances, and children. (I still think we did.) However, I never really imagined that so much, well, poo would hit the fan pretty much the second after we said 'Yes' at the altar.

It all started when Mr. H-B contracted some sort of flu-ish bug which left him sweating miserably through the open house. We cancelled the last day of our honeymoon because a) the room smelled like mold and b) Mr. H-B was totally miserable. Then, of course, because I have the immunity of a 90-year-old, I contracted what Mr. H-B had. Just as I was getting better, he came down with yet another illness, which I promptly contracted. Then there were several more colds, a puking extravaganza and bronchitis. Three months and seven days into married life and we have only enjoyed about two weeks of mostly full health.

I've never really been good at balancing school, home, and social life and, as it turns out, it is slightly more difficult when one has taken on not only a husband but also three teaching positions (2 Spanish classes, 1 institute class, 1 primary class), three of ones own classes, a treasurer job, and membership on the graduate student council. Then my grandma got sick and passed away, which was shockingly traumatic.

Then there are the other little things: Mr. H-B snores. I am much more messy than I ever thought. The dog is whiney and needy. The laundry appears to have quadrupled. There is cooking and cleaning and TV watching that all need to get done. And, as it turns out, there are still only 24 hours in a day.

Mr. H-B and I are working hard at dividing things equitably. He is a dish-washer extraordinaire and a pro at vacuuming. He and Greta have developed a relationship that makes me slightly jealous, so he takes care of most of her, ahem, potty needs. I do the laundry and cook 3-4 days a week. On the other 3-4 days, Mr. H-B and I kind of fend for ourselves.

I'm learning to let go of perfection too. The bathroom isn't as clean as I want it to be and sometimes the counters in the kitchen are sticky. I haven't mopped the floors since the first weekend in October--don't faint, mom! And I have come to terms with the fact that I will never be caught up on my homework or grading.

Despite all of the stress and trauma, I wouldn't want things to be different. That is, I wouldn't want to change the fact that we got married in August. I know this semester wouldn't have been much (if any) easier without Mr. H-B in my life. Sure, I could have done without all the extra illness and laundry, but then there wouldn't be someone to come home to every night. Because, let's face it, Greta isn't all that interesting.

8 comments:

ferskner said...

Nothing says love quite like a puking extravaganza...

Camie said...

Well you guys are definitely getting it all out on the table right away! I don't think I've ever seen Matt throw up in 8 years of marriage!! And there are so many 'little things' to get used to when you first get married! And I'm sure you haven't even discovered all of them yet! But that's what makes life interesting. Here's to better health during the holidays!

Charlotte said...

Heh heh...married life. But still, it's wonderful, isn't it?

You probably don't want to hear this, but just wait 'til you have kids. I never thought it would throw me like it did. I am still adjusting, and am not sure I will ever be done adjusting until the kiddos are long gone. Chris keeps wanting to know how many kids we can have and is still waiting for me to answer with something other than "just this one." Hah!

I am still in denial that my days of mega-productivity are now long gone - I'm lucky to get a shower in. I have a newfound respect for motherhood, that's for sure. But, I am very proud of myself this morning. I just mopped the floors in the first time since...well, I can't remember. I bet it is longer than you've gone, though. If I'm lucky, I'll get the toliets cleaned before Charlie wakes up. Which means no time for a shower. Sigh. At least I'm not planning on seeing anyone today.

Anyway, I hope you're doing well. I was thinking about you last week and thinking we need to catch up sometime. Maybe I'll give you a call over the holidays or something when things die down.

Take care!

Alicia said...

Maria,

Welcome to the married life of a teacher! I have not had all of my correcting done since the start of school!!! But, I agree, that I wouldn't change the married part of life!

Amina said...

wow!
thank you for sharing with us what marriage life is like!!
I can't imagine how challenging the transition is because like you, i am a bit of a clean freak..lol

Kelly said...

I got to help Jason through a puking episode while we were still dating, which, you know, was lots of fun. I even let him sleep in my bed and I slept on the floor because he was so miserable.

I know we've talked about the adjustments in marriage, and I'm sure you've talked about it with Sarah. It's rough, especially when you've been on your own for awhile, but yeah, totally worth it.

Michelle said...

Ryan caught a bug in Iraq before he came home for our wedding. Therefore, he was sick for the wedding and the entire honeymoon, and when he left to go back to Iraq, he was still sick! Glad to know someone else had a sick husband during the honeymoon!

As for the housekeeping...I have discovered that for some reason, my husband cannot put his clothes in the hamper! I mean, how hard can it be?? But it's not too much trouble to pick his clothes up for him, especially since he goes out and warms up the car when it's freezing! I say it's a fair trade!

Mrs. Hass-Bark said...

Thanks so much for all of the comments! I'm glad to hear it's not just us.