2.19.2011

Day 28--A Year Ago


I'm supposed to post a picture of myself a year ago. I don't think a single one exists. Like Casey over at Moosh in Indy, things tend to go dark around these parts when depression and anxiety become king. A year ago I hadn't even acknowledged that I had a problem--that would be another dreadful six months away. Instead, I was in complete denial about how much work I needed to do in order to make the pilot study for my dissertation proposal work (spoiler alert: it was a miserable failure the first time around). I was skating by in terms of physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional health. By the time I realized I needed help, it was all hanging by a thread.

A year later and six months after my diagnosis with depression and anxiety I am not a perfect person, but I am certainly a new person. I look forward to waking up each day. I don't lie away at night ruminating or worrying about things over which I have no control. I enjoy my spare time for the first time in ages (ie, I don't feel guilty for relaxing every now and again). As much as I didn't want to admit that I needed help, I am so grateful that Mr. H-B helped me to realize that I couldn't (and didn't need to) do it on my own.

5 comments:

moosh in indy. said...

Oof, I so understand that hanging by a thread feeling. Where things just keep piling up and you keep sinking deeper until all you want to do is cut that thread and start over.

So happy you're on a path to becoming you again.

xx

Smith: Reads. Laughs. Overthinks. said...

This is probably not the right thing to comment about but I LOVE the picture...

Señora H-B said...

Casey--Thanks!


I really liked the picture a LOT. I need one of those calendars except they're totally impractical.

Kim said...

You are beautiful, Maria. I love reading your blog, because it is real. You don't hide your true feelings, which takes courage. Thanks for sharing your real self with us, and allowing us to learn alongside you.

Señora H-B said...

Thanks, Kim!