Edited to add: Thank you all for your supportive comments and emails. I'm so sorry that so many of my friends are experiencing the same issues, but it's so helpful to know we're not alone.
I've gone back and forth about posting this, but...here goes.
Mr. H-B and I have been married nearly four years now. Family is a big part of our faith and we both have a strong desire to have children. Our friends are having babies. Other bloggers are having babies. Much younger relatives are having babies. EVERYONE is having babies. I am thrilled for all of them. I really, honestly mean that.
Still, people ask questions and, in some cases, make (erroneous) assumptions about us. Others give us sympathetic looks. After nearly two years of this, we've become members of a club that almost no one wants to be a part of.
It's hard not to play the blame game in this case (always my fault, incidentally). I'm overweight. I don't eat well enough. I should exercise more. I should stress less. I should take more vitamins. I should sleep more. I should sleep less. I should be more proactive. I should be less proactive. It's my medication. It's my breakfast. It's my lunch. Maybe I want to feel like I'm in control somehow? I know I'm not, but perhaps that's too much to admit.
There have been two almosts; at least, I think there have. The signs were all there, but then they weren't. Hopes gone. Dreams of tiny shoes and fuzzy blankets dashed. Hearts a little broken.
I don't know what's next. A new job means new insurance, which could mean answers. Lifestyle changes and a new house mean more fresh starts.
I hope. We hope together.